We love them, they've been there from the start and God only knows what they went through for us to be here. She held us tight when we were teased at school, she knew our favorite meal, she knew what our favorite movie was, and she was there when we were dumped for the first time.
So it makes the crime of lying to her seem that much worse, I mean really, how could anyone lie to their own mother when all she ever does is be there for us? Unfortunately, truth be told, I don't know when it first started with me, but once I started it was so easy to keep going! A little here and a little there, and don't get me wrong I covered all the types, verbally, deceit, stealing, big, small, I used them all!! Now granted there's possibility a VERY few of you that are thinking, 'no I never did that'. Well, according to a 2002 study conducted by the University of Massachusetts, 60% of adults can’t have a ten minute conversation without lying at least once!
This craft has been worked on for many years and with varying levels of success, but it would have to be said, I was rather good at it. Now of course, as an adult one would hope I no longer lie and tell the truth, but lets be honest, there's just some things our mums don't need to know!
So what's my point? Well, if we've grown up learning and perfecting the art of lying to our own mother, it begs the question who else do we lie to?? Again, if you just said 'no that's not me' well you're either a Buddhist monk living in the hills of the Himalayas or...you're lying to yourself!!
Now I know the nothing of lying, let alone to your own mother, is rather confronting, but the human mind we know is very complex and has a mind of its own!! Touche! But the notion about lying to ourselves seems simple and it is, but now here's the crazy part, can you even catch yourself doing it?!
Just as a kid, I was flippantly using 'white' lies so much that I was loosing track! One of my favorite sayings is "The good thing about telling the truth is you don't need to remember what you said." In more recent years when I've started to really look at my behavior and my actions, I realized so much of what I was doing, saying and thinking I was 'lying' to myself. Thinking that I didn't need to do certain things, thinking I was a certain type of person, thinking certain people in my life were of importance to me.
I was constantly creating a social standard within my own world and painting myself in the best way possible. But as soon as I introduced truth, hard hitting honest truth, I had nowhere to hide. When I took the time to really observe what was going on in 'my' world, I noticed thoughts, behaviors and feelings that actually didn't align myself with myself, the person I 'thought' I was presenting to the world didn't actually match with my 'truth.'
Being the best version of ourselves isn't easy, and I found it so much harder if I kept feeding myself with lies. We all know our lives are broken up into segments; family, work, health, relaxation and each require a certain skill set. We might be very compassionate but don't know how to strive for personal goals, we might be very productive at work but don't know how to relate to other people. When I looked at my truth in these different areas, I realized what I thought were my strengths were actually part of my process of lying to myself.
I'm still a long way from not living the lie! Gosh I've been doing it for so long I can't expect to break the habit so easily. But at least now I'm having the conversation. Just like my mum did when I got into trouble, "Now Adam tell mum why lighting a fire in your bedroom is wrong and explain where you got the matches from?" I have to confess! I need to continually sit myself down (a practice I do daily at the start of everyday) and get real, being honest with myself and hope that if I lye to myself and I can catch it in the act, I can make the change.
I can't remember when I last lied to my mum, it was probably when I was still living at home and telling her what time I got home from a club!! But for sure, nothing good comes from lying to ourselves, because if we want to be the best version of ourselves we need to know what that actually looks like. We have to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions and be truthful and real in the moment.